


Close to the light

by swietlik



Category: Revolution (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I'm Sorry, M/M, Secret Diary, Secrets, Short, angsty miloe what else it could be, in some masochistic way, it suppose to be happy, this idjits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 06:16:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swietlik/pseuds/swietlik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can know somebody your whole life and still don't know what he yearns for.<br/>We keep our biggest desires in secret, even from ourselves.<br/>And letting them be discovered can set us free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close to the light

**Author's Note:**

> Chicken, thanks for checking it. You know you're the best, but I'm telling it again just to be sure.
> 
> It's short and not planned, but I decided to show it anyway.  
> Let me know what you think.  
> xo

Miles was looking for him all evening. Charlie said she saw him heading back to his room, drunk as hell, a while ago. Well, it wasn't a surprise.  It happened a lot these days, for both of them. They don't really talk, since they don't have to fight much lately. But today is different. Miles can't stand how it is between them now. Whatever 'it' is. He opens the door to Bass' room, still not sure what he's really looking for. He finds the other man asleep, his head resting on the table, slumped in some strange position on a chair that's too small to be comfortable. Miles lights a single candle and sets it on the table. He puts his hand on the other's shoulder...

" _Bass, wake up._ " 

It didn't help. Bass is always a strong sleeper when he's drunk. Of course Miles knew that (how could he not?) but he tried again. He sighted, defeated, then noticed something lying near Bass' head. He picked it up... it was that stupid journal that he took everywhere with him. Or - at least - one very similar to it. He remembered mocking Bass and his secret diary when they were still in Philly. It was such a long time ago now, he had no idea that Bass was still doing it. He was about to put it down when noticed his name. He leafed through the pages and every entry started with his name.  _What the hell_ , he thought as he started to read the latest one.

_Miles,_

_I am the needy one. I always have to beg. Even for just a little touch, the slightest smile for me. You're careful and always think twice. I don't care, I don't mind. Nobody else matters. You don't want to hurt anybody. Well, I would kill them all for you._

_You could have save me, you know. If you could only be sure. Just for once, one simple touch or word, so I would know. No shame, no seconds thoughts. I know you want me, I can tell by the look in your eyes. I'm your guilty pleasure. The toy you can't bring home with you. Is that all I am? To me, you're everything. And if with my love comes obsession, so be it. I'm losing myself in you, it's always the same. I'm lost, but it feels good. It feels like I don't need to search anymore. I catch myself dreaming that it could be true._

_I know you want me, but I need more. I need you to feel the way I do. No sleeping - before you breath become steady. Giving up everything to keep you safe, to save your smile. I need forgiveness that can only come with love. I need redemption for our shared sins. I need something pure, something we'll be glad to have._

_I wanted you to be glad that I'm still here. I don't want to guess anymore._

_I wish I could be sure that..._

He stopped reading when he felt Bass' gaze on him. He was about to say something, but he couldn't. His eyes set on Bass' things in the corner, all of them packed and ready to leave. How could he not notice it right away? How did he miss all of this?

He looked at Bass again. Bass and his journal, full of letters for him. Loveletters, he corrected himself in his mind. Full of words he never said to him. With a goodbye he would never hear.

_You planned on just disappearing like that, without a word?_ he wanted to say. He wanted to say many things... instead of just staring at those blue eyes that haunted him too many times when he tried to sleep alone. That was it. It seemed Bass was right after all. Nobody else mattered. Not now, when he could lose him.

_"Bass, stay,"_   he asked softly.  _"I need you to stay with me... for me."_

Everything that happened next was a little fuzzy, with just the single candle flame lighting up the room and them; clinging to each other, like they used to, a long time ago. Lost together, without needing to be found.

The journal fell on the floor, now useless, because Miles promised to himself that he would never let Bass be too afraid to tell him how he feels again. He'll never have to hide behind these pages. 

The last sentence Bass ever wrote in it said;

_I wish I could be sure that you need me too._

**Author's Note:**

> _Close to the light_  
>  Shadows fade away  
> I see clear 
> 
> _Close to the light_  
>  What was frail and weak  
> Is growing strong 
> 
> _So fickle is the heart  
>  Sways in every little breeze_
> 
> _Close to the light_  
>  I build a house for us  
> On the rock 
> 
> _Close to the light_  
>  You will see me  
> The way I am 
> 
> _So fickle is the heart  
>  Sways in every little breeze _


End file.
